Making Christmas in Macedonia

Christmas or "New Years" is coming in Skopje 

Before coming to Macedonia, I assumed that Christmas here was December 25th like many countries in Europe. I knew Macedonia was mainly an Eastern Orthodox country, but I did not know what exactly this meant. Little did I know that Macedonia celebrates Christmas on January 7, a whole 13 days after our "Catholic Christmas" as it's referred to here. The majority of the Orthodox churches use the Julian calendar, created under the reign of Julius Caesar in 45 BC, and have not adopted the Gregorian calendar, proposed by Latin Pope Gregory of Rome in 1582. There is a 13 day difference between these two calendars.

December 25 on the Julian calendar actually falls on January 7 on the Gregorian calendar. They even have "Old New Year" which they have a small celebration on January 14. It is the start of the new year on the Julian calendar. Many people today have adopted the tradition to celebrate new year on the Gregorian calendar. Okay enough of the history lesson.

Some of the crafts my students made for the Pazar

Students at the Pazar 

 The only sweet at the Pazar and it tasted like a chocolate rice krispie treat, it was delicious! 

This Christmas was harder in more ways then I expected. Leading up to Christmas, I was having trouble sleeping and my stomach was in knots. My mind kept thinking of the memories I would be missing and the family I wouldn't be around. As much as I wanted to live in the moment, my heart was back in Elverson.

Christmas Eve was a much anticipated day for the students here because they had been working for weeks on homemade cards, snowmen and many other crafts to sell at the "Pazar." There were tables set up in the school yard for each class and the students sold their homemade crafts to raise money for the school. This was the first year they had the Pazar during Christmas time. There was one for Easter this year and the school used the money raised to buy new curtains for all of the classrooms. Although they ran out of money for curtain rods and had to use string to hold up the curtains! I also gave a presentation on Christmas in America full of many photos and vocabulary and the students loved this! Of course I even put Riley in the slideshow.

After the Pazar, there was a show that involved singing and dancing. I had been rehearsing with some of the English students "Jingle Bell Rock" and they sang this in front of everyone. I was so proud of them! All of the parents came to watch the show and many students were dressed in red dresses and wore Christmas hats. A few students played instruments and some sang traditional Macedonian songs.


On Christmas day, I went to school and had 4 English classes. My students and I tracked Santa on the online Santa tracker since he was still delivering presents back in the states with the time change. We saw him in Arizona and later in Alaska! I also showed the students videos of some light shows on houses in America (the students were very concerned about it being a fire hazard!). After school, there was a small play put on in the local theatre for the students. This was just plain creepy, especially the costumes and my counterpart couldn't even understand the story line. Hopefully the kids enjoyed it. After the play, we went to the town square where a stage was assembled. There were students singing on the stage and a bag full of treats was handed out to each of the students in grades 1-5. I was excited that this tradition fell on our actual Christmas because it made the day seem special. The fellow volunteer in my town, Jasmine, came over on Christmas Eve to eat the cheesecake we made the previous day. It was delicious. We had to improvise with some of the ingredients but when in Macedonia, you do what you can! On Sunday I made my first homemade stromboli, completely from scratch, even the dough. It was so much work but was so delicious. I now appreciate homemade food so much more from having to make everything from scratch. I saved half of the dough and ingredients and made a second stromboli for Christmas.

The cheesecake Jasmine and I made with cherries 

My first stromboli, it may not                                           My 2nd stromboli on Christmas

be beautiful but it was delicious 

              

Some pictures from the play at the theatre 

The Santa suit was pretty funny looking

However, there sure are some crazy situations that happened in the school that day. On Christmas, the youngest students (1st grade as it is called here) were told to come in at 9 am instead of 7:30 am. There were 6 kids that forgot about this and they were in their classroom alone for 1 1/2 hours until my teacher found them in the classroom. Nobody realized they were there. Then my director decided to hold a meeting in the middle of classes and all of the teachers were in the teachers lounge and all of the students were left unattended. This completely shocked me. I knew this would need happen back home because there are too many risks!

Look at how many parents  and family members came!

Students singing a traditional song with violins 

My students singing Jingle Bell Rock

My students wrote letters to Santa Claus and some of the things they put on their lists included cow bells (for the Old New Year celebrations with costumes), new dresses and high heels and even iPhones.

My students writing letters to Santa, they even have a Christmas tree in the back of the classroom

Helping the students write their letters to Santa 

Once home, I was able to Skype my family and we all opened presents together. My parents are so incredibly thoughtful and even sent me wrapped gifts to open and a Christmas stocking. My Dutch family friends also sent me a present to open. I was even able to Skype my family while they ate Christmas breakfast and it looked so tempting. I talked to my grandparents and later on Skyped my whole family when they came over to my house for Christmas dinner. In all honestly, the day was very emotional and full of a lot of tears. More than anything I wanted to be snuggled up on the couch with my family but I made it through the day and was able to reflect on the positive events of the day. Once I am finished my service here, I know that the holidays spent with my family will be cherished in every way after the time apart. 

My students at the show, some pictures of Christmas back home to bring back memories and then my pile of gifts and my stocking 

This past weekend, I went to my training community, Veles, and had a Christmas party with some fellow volunteers. We even had a white elephant gift exchange! We watched movies, played board games, cooked meals together and drank hot chocolate. I also had ice cream for the first time in 4 months. If you know me, this is HUGE. Although it wasn't as good as I expected, it was still satisfying.  It was so nice to be around fellow Americans because we could all share in missing home for the holidays and it sure helped cheer me up. I even visited my old host family on Sunday and they made me lunch. It was really special, I miss them so much!

Ice cream!

Now comes the confusing part about Christmas in Macedonia that I wonder if I will ever understand. Here everything related to Christmas is for "New Years or "Нова година" as it's called here. So yes the Christmas tree, lights, presents and Christmas cards are all for New Years. People buy brand new dresses, get their nails done and have new hairstyles. There are big cocktail parties, people go to restaurants or host big parties. I have never seen so much excitement from so many people for New Years. I asked each of my classes if they know why we celebrate Christmas and their response "for the New Year." My heart was crushed and I explained that we celebrate the birth of Christ. There were crickets with this response. It seems that the actual Christmas day is forgotten about and New Years receives all of the attention. It's all anyone seems to talk about here. This definitely made Christmas harder with it not even being important in general here but I know that Christmas is in my heart no matter where I am. I am so thankful to have a family back home who made the day special for me as much as they could. I look forward to seeing what New Years is all about as well as observing their Christmas celebrations on January 7th here. 

Found a nativity scene in my town, the one and only one and it made me smile

An End to the Honeymoon Phase

Being in the Peace Corps is like being on a roller coaster. The ride is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, butterflies in your stomach and moments when you feel like you are going to be sick with nervousness. There are moments when you are at an extremely high point and life is great and there are moments when you feel low and wonder what your purpose is here.

It's easy to focus on all of the positive things that have happened in my Peace Corps journey so far but it's not the full story. It's been a challenging 12 weeks full of new beginnings and unexpected challenges. It has not all been positive and there have been some very difficult moments.

During training they teach us that being in the Peace Corps comes in waves of high points and low points. For many weeks, I was feeling great and loving every opportunity. There were new foods to try, excitement about teaching English to my new students, finding my way around a new city and feeling freedom and curiosity in this unfamiliar territory.

This past week has challenged me in every way possible. It began with a series of goodbyes; first to my support group of fellow volunteers for the past 11 weeks and then to my host family in Veles. It then continued with the absence of heat in my freezing cold room (yes it's warmer outside then actually in my house because of the lack of insulation in these houses), no hot water in my showers, getting completely lost on some backroads in the dark for 30 mins and not feeling accepted in my new host family. It continued with seeing Roma children digging in the dumpsters on a daily basis during my runs, learning about the massive cat and dog poisoning happening in my town so there aren't packs of wild animals in the winter months, witnessing the beating of dogs first hand and feeling helpless and lastly realizing that Christmas is approaching back home and here, I still have a month to go before the holiday. (Macedonia follows the Orthodox calendar so Christmas is January 7).

These may seem like small things and it may seem like I am complaining but Peace Corps is not always sunshine and smiles. There are moments where I am pushed in every way possible and weeks like my past one that are full of random bursts of tears, wishing I was home with the people I love. I question my purpose here and if I will make a difference and what things I actually can change. I wonder how I can empower the Macedonians to make sustainable changes. However, it's all part of the Peace Corps journey. When applying for the Peace Corps, I knew that that I would be pushed and challenged in every way possible. Each challenge helps me grow into the person I am meant to be.

After the 3rd or 4th month mark, it's typical that honeymoon is over and the real challenges begin. I worry with only just moving to site a little over a week ago, the many new challenges I have yet to face. Christmas isn't here yet and I have never been away from home on this day and then there's the even colder months to come. I shiver at the thought of this.

Although there are many challenges still to come my way, I am thankful to have the opportunity to serve those around me, to learn about a new culture and discover the person I am meant to be. It has also made me much more appreciative of the simple things we have back home, feeling full of gratitude. I know that once returning home, I will have completed service and will look back on each challenge and see the many positive outcomes that emerged from the situations. Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue on this journey of a lifetime. It will not be easy but "With God, all things are possible" Matthew 19:26. "But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior" Jeremiah 20:11.

"She is clothed in strength & dignity, she laughs without fear of the future" Proverbs 31:25

My mom recently sent me a card that has helped me when I was having a tough moment. It is beautiful and I feel like it was written specifically for me about my Peace Corps journey:

You’re on the Journey of a Lifetime….

A journey no one lese will travel and no one else can judge ~ a path of happiness and hurt, where the challenges are great and the rewards are even greater…

You’re on a journey where each experience will teach you something valuable and you can’t get lost, for you already know the way by heart. 

You’re on a journey that is universal yet uniquely personal, and profound yet astonishing simple - where sometimes you will stumble and other times will soar. You’ll learn that even at your darkest point, you can find a light – if you look for it. At the most difficult crossroad, you’ll have an answer – if you listen for it. Friends and family will accompany you part of the way, and you’ll walk the rest by yourself… but you will never be alone.

Travel at your own pace. There’ll be a time enough to learn all you need to know and go as far as you’re meant to go. Travel light. Letting go of extra baggage will keep your arms open and your heart free to fully embrace the gifts of the moment. 

You may not always know exactly where you’re headed, but if you follow the desires of your heart, the integrity of your conscience, and the wisdom of your soul… then each step will lead you to discover more of who you really are, and it will be a step in the right direction on the journey of a lifetime.

 ~ Paula Finn

As St. Pope John Paul II said "God can use our weaknesses as easily as our strength in order to accomplish His will."

It's Official, I'm a Volunteer

I now am officially  considered a PCV or Peace Corps Volunteer! PST (Pre-Service Training) was challenging in so many ways and I am excited to begin my new journey in the town of Kavadarci teaching English. Training lasted for almost 11 weeks. The days were long full of long to-do list; from intense language classes to weekly training in cross-cultural, medical, security and teaching English training and practicing Macedonian with my host family.I learned so much but by the end, my brain was on overload. Looking back on my time in training, I remember the days full of laughter, uncertainty, charades trying to communicate with my host family and blossoming friendships. 

 If you ask many volunteers what one of the most difficult challenges of Peace Corps was, they will probably mention PST. It is such an accomplishment that all of the MAK19 (19th group to be in Macedonia) made it this far!

Final day of Macedonian language class with our wonderful teacher

Bilyana and Elena, the Veles language teachers and of course Susie

One of the hardest moments on PST, happened actually after the ceremony. Saying goodbye to my host family was very emotional. They became my family and were my first real encounter with Macedonia. They not only welcomed me into their home but they taught me about the culture, how to cook typical dishes and many moments of laughter. I also enjoyed making and eating American dishes and desserts with my host mother. My host parents had extreme patience when I tried to form the simplest of sentences and they were satisfied with simply sitting in each other's company, knowing our communication was limited. Although I am only a short bus ride away (45 minutes), knowing I am no longer with them on a daily basis was a hard realization to grasp. I will forever cherish the irreplaceable memories they gave me. 

Evelina (head of PST), myself, Kathleen Corey (head of PC Macedonia) and Paul Wohlers (the US ambassador)

On November 28, I stood proudly with the 43 other volunteers as we became the 19th group to serve in Macedonia. Previously the ceremonies were held in other towns throughout Macedonia but this year, the president of Macedonia was attending so the event was held at City Hall in Skopje. The president of Macedonia, Gjorge Ivanov, spoke of the friendship united through Peace Corps between America and Macedonia. It was also a special day because the President received an award for his involvement and support with Peace Corps by Peace Corps director Carrie Hessler-Radelet. In addition to this award, The Order of Merit of the Republic of Macedonia was awarded to Peace Corps by the President of Macedonia. It was rewarded to Peace Corps for "exceptional merit in the long-lasting voluntary work and for outstanding dedication and commitment in the Macedonian-U.S. relations and friendship."Also attending this special day was the US ambassador of Macedonia, Paul Wohlers. 

MAK 19

The Veles language crew

After practicing for weeks, we proudly sang the Macedonian National Anthem. We also sang the American National Anthem. During the "Swearing In Ceremony", we had to raise our right hand and take an oath that all US Diplomats must take. It felt like a huge responsibility but made me so proud! There were even a live instruments being played at the ceremony. A small reception followed and our host families were invited to join in this special day. 

Finally achieved my lifelong dream of becoming a Peace Corps Volunteer 

Not really sure how I got in the middle of this award being presented

I am thankful for the love, support, words of encouragement, prayers, messages, cards, letters and packages that helped with my transition to Macedonia and becoming an official volunteer. I would not be here without the support of family and friends. As Boniface Wimmer said "Forward, always forward, everywhere forward."Now, in my new town, is a time for growth, learning, facing new challenges and the start of living my dream and serving those around me while growing into the person I am meant to be.

Денот на благодарноста: Thanksgiving!

Well Thanksgiving came and went. Time is flying by and yet moving slowly.

This year was a little different. Picture this: a Macedonian singer singing to an empty restaurant, one small table full of locals and then a massive table set for 40 people. Next to this giant table was another table set for the food and was served buffet style.

Each volunteer in Veles and their families were invited to the restaurant to celebrate Thanksgiving, or Денот на благодарноста as it's called here. It was so refreshing to be around my fellow Americans and share in some traditional Thanksgiving food.

Thank goodness Aaron, a fellow PVC, knew how to carve the turkeys! 

We all signed up to bring or make something and given the limited ingredients here, I think we did fantastic. Peace Corps delivered 3 turkeys to the restaurant and the chefs there offered to cook it.  The turkeys came all the way from the American military base in Kosovo! I don't of many other Peace Corps countries that deliver turkeys so I was so happy that this small  but important tradition could be kept while in Macedonia! Apparently it tasted delicious too. Here is a taste of some things on the menu besides turkey: candied sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, corn bread, croissants, stuffing and even apple pie for dessert. The list could go on and we even had some typical Macedonian dishes.

My host mom and I spent the day making a homemade apple pie! It was so much work and very time consuming but a great bonding experience. The pie was a good first attempt and looked better then it tasted but it was a memorable moment. Next time I will be sure to use a different dish so that the dough can cook longer. We also made the mashed potatoes together.

The finished product! 

I am beyond thankful to share my first Thanksgiving away from home surrounded by the host family I love dearly and my wonderful volunteers.

The Veles crew!

We even had a "Thankful Turkey" and all wrote what we are thankful for on the feathers! 

I can't forget to mention that my parents set a place for me at the dinner table and I was able to skpye in for the dinner and share the meal with them! The sweet potatoes with roasted marshmallows sure looked tempting!

Thankful, Thanks, Thank you, благодарам: Gratitude

Fall in Skopje 

With Thanksgiving around the corner, I have been reflecting on the the many things that I have to be thankful for in my life. This concept seems so simple, yet how often do we reflect on all of life's blessings that are constantly poured out each and every day.

As a spiritual person, I try each to live each day with an attitude of gratitude. As St. Ignatius said "The deadliest sin, is ingratitude. It is the cause, beginning and origin of all evils." This comes as a great challenge.


 Having a grateful heart is so important because in our world today, it seems that the media is constantly telling use that we are never enough. We always need more "things," whether it's a new car, a new hairstyle or new wardrobe. How can one be grateful when they constantly are left feeling unsatisfied and wanting more?


Living in a completely new country, I have come to appreciate the luxuries we have as Americans. The simple things we take for granted and never think twice about, that many people across the globe live without. There are many things in Macedonia that I also have to be thankful for because I am constantly blessed here.


I am thankful for a hot shower, because it means I am not showering in a bucket and have clean water

I am thankful for the language I am learning, because it means I have the capacity to learn a new language and challenge my brain

I am thankful for the heater in my room, because it means I am warm at night

I am thankful for fresh fruits and vegetables, because it means I can sustain my vegetarian diet in a country where vegetarians barely exist

I am thankful for wifi and FaceTime, because I am able to keep in contact with friends and family despite of the many miles that separate us

I am thankful for the bed I sleep on, because it means I am not sleeping on the floor or on a wooden plank

I am thankful for the walls that surround me, because I am protected from the harsh elements

I am thankful for my legs, because I am able to run each day and release my stress

I am thankful for my glasses/contacts, because I am able to see and would struggle without them

I am thankful to be living in a country that has Christians roots, because without it would be an immense challenge

I am thankful that I came from a family that values service, because without it I wouldn't be in the Peace Corps

I am thankful for the country I come from, because it means I have religious freedom, an insane amount of food variety, job stability, and less political tension then many of the countries around me now


I am sure my list could go on and on.. I challenge you today to take a step back and reflect on the things just in this very day that you have to be thankful for.

Macedonia vs. Slovakia

When you think of a European sport, what's the first one that comes to mind? Football of course or fútbol, or even фудбал depending on where you are in Europe. This past weekend, I and 14 other volunteers went to Skopje after language class to experience the passion and love of Europe's favorite sport. You would think a stadium that can hold thousands of people would be full, but contrary to popular belief, the stadium was almost empty. 

The fans there were very enthusiastic but it was nothing like the Arsenal game I went to 2 years ago. I guess you can't compare football in London to Macedonia though! 

We booked a hostel 2 minutes from the stadium and had the whole place to ourselves. Something about the atmosphere made this extremely relaxing. 

Group photo at the hostel 

We sat around playing games and laughing for hours before the game. It was like a mini vacation away from the stress of training. With less then 2 weeks left in PST, we wanted to spend one last time all together while we are living close to the capital. 

Soon enough we will be official volunteers, living in various parts of the country with different schedules. As much as I wanted to be a grandma for the weekend and go to bed early, I chose to spend this precious time with my friends and I don't retreat this decision. 

The Veles crew

Macedonia's national team is not very good and I guess that plays a big part in why a lot of fans do not attend the games. There was a huge group of crazy fans behind us covered in Macedonian gear and blowing in noisemakers. 

This past week we have been practicing the Macedonia national anthem for our swearing in ceremony and we were able to sing along at the start of the game. 

Macedonia is the red team, of course! 

Sadly, Macedonia lost 2-0 but I had a fantastic time at the game. 

I am reminded to live in the moment and take advantage of every opportunity I have here. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to see 2 European teams. The tickets were extremely reasonable, unlike trying to go see a national sports team in America. Also transportation here is very reasonable so getting around is easy. 

Go Macedonia! 

I look forward to exploring the many opportunities this country has to offer and continuing to follow football so I can adapt to the culture! 

Cooking, Baking and Eating: Life in Macedonia

So when you hear the name Macedonia what comes to mind? Well for most people, very few things come to mind because most people have no idea where this place is! After explaining to people that it's above Greece, they instantly think I am living in Greece. Macedonia is very different from Greece in so many ways. You may assume that I am eating food similar to Greek food, but this is far from true.

A Macedonian dinner I was served at my site visit: potatoes, rice and olives with cheese and more olives  on the side 

Greek yogurt can only be found in the capital, contrary to the fact that Greece is our next door neighbor. I have only seen Doner Kebabs (lamb that sits under heat lamps and then served in pita) in one city and the cheese here is not Feta and the people get offended if you try to call their cheese (or сирење as they call it here) feta. This post is to show things that I have eaten while here or things I have made. Of course being a vegetarian, I don't eat a lot of the traditional dishes but I have tried a lot of new dishes. My host mom has altered some of the recipes to exclude meat.

  
I never realized as Americans, how privileged we are that we can go to any store and buy all the ingredients we need for a recipe. Being in Macedonia, almost everything is made from scratch. My host mom still can't get over the fact that I have to look up recipes on the internet when I have to make something!

Cherries used to make juice and also a nice snack

If there is one food dish from Macedonia you should know about, it's Ajvar. It is a spread like relish or salsa made from roasted red bell peppers and garlic. It takes an extremely long time (anywhere from 9 hours to 2 days) to make and is very labor intensive. Each peppers must be peeled and roasted over an open flame. Macedonians eat this with bread, cheese or even plain. I love to put it on eggs in the morning since I try and stay away from the bread. Macedonians use around 60-70 pounds of peppers to make this in the Fall. They store it in jars so that it can last they throughout the long winter months.

Ajvar with сирење 

Some things I really miss that are staples in an American kitchen: vanilla extract (they have vanilla sugar here instead), PAM or some kind of cooking spray, chocolate chips (they don't exist here), evaporated or condensed milk, nutmeg, marshmallows, graham crackers, caramel, easy access to a multitude of cheeses for a small price (anything but сирење is expensive here so no parmesan or mozzarella), vegetable stock, maple syrup, Italian seasoning, taco seasoning/Mexican spices


Now my list could probably go on but for now those are the main things I miss when looking for recipes and attempting to bake and cook. I am learning to improvise and experiment which doesn't always go so well but it's a great experience!

Made brownies with my host mom last night (delicious but didn't taste like American brownies!)

Baking with my host mother has been an incredible joy. This Sunday I was in my room writing a blog post and she said "Paige, come. I am making Palacinke." This is the Macedonian pancake that is more like a crepe. I told her last week that I recently ate this at a friend's house and that I loved them. The one I had was filled with the Macedonian version of nutella (called Alpico and tastes more like a s'more spread then nutella) and it had bananas. Yum! I was so excited to have the opportunity to see how these are made. 

She only used eggs, flour and milk for the recipe 

Earlier that morning, I had attempted to make "healthy simple pancakes" that only use 2 eggs and a banana and they didn't turn out so well. I was excited to see and try her version of pancakes. I sure hope that she doesn't think that those "healthy pancakes" are the actual pancakes in America! 

She is an expert flipper, not a single one hit the floor!

Sweet success: yes those are filled with Alpico and bananas! I was so touched

While we were sitting by the stove and waiting for the Palacinke to cook, we began talking about different things we like to make. I asked her if she knew how to make homemade bread and she said yes. Little did I know that she was going to make me some! Soon after the pancakes were done, she got out the ingredients and began making the bread. I couldn't believe it. 

You have to let the dough sit for a while after making it. We had dinner and let the dough sit and after dinner it was ready to go in the oven. She sent my host father to the store for some jam so that we could have warm bread and jam as a snack. I feel spoiled and so deeply touched. I didn't mean to imply that I wanted her to make the bread today. I was just curious if she knew how to make it. 

Just after coming out of the oven 

The second loaf still looks beautiful the next day

Now my host father was feeling a little left out, in a joking way. He wanted me to take some pictures of the salads he makes for me. Yes every single night, my host father makes me these beautiful salads! 

Now before coming to Macedonia, if you asked me what my least favorite vegetables are, I would say beets and radishes. Well people change and apparently taste buds change because here I am eating these veggies and they are delicious! I sure was missing out at home. Although how we eat beets in America is gross. Here they used a cheese grater and they are very fresh. There are no beets in a can. 

The eggplant parmesan

2 weekends ago, I went over my Macedonian friend's house to make a new recipe. We made eggplant parmesan were able to find parmesan cheese, I can't believe it. The eggplant was very salty but it was still good. Next time I will be sure to use less salt. Apparently I was the expert in this recipe and having never made this, it was a challenge. This took forever to make because unlike America, you can't just buy crushed tomatoes in a can so I had to make this from scratch. Also the main oven is broken so we had to use this portable oven and it could only fit one small pan for all of the eggplant. I was happy that I was able to make this recipe under the circumstances! 

Last but not least, in case you are wondering what cakes look like in Macedonia, here is a picture from a birthday party we threw last week for 2 volunteers and one volunteer's host sister. One of the host sisters of a fellow volunteer had a connection with a bakery had these cakes made! They were so incredibly reasonable in price. These would be extremely expensive back home. What a fun birthday party with delicious cake! 

Steve loves beer (the popular and super cheap beer here is called Skopsko), Sydney loves ballet and Teadora is a huge Harry Potter (Ravenclaw) fan

Yes that's 4 layers of cake, 2 chocolate chip, 2 chocolate with chocolate and vanilla icing in the middle